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Love your life

 A true Story

Written by Ruby.

I don't have a picture yet but here's a little story:

I found myself walking through the grocery store one Saturday, all three kids hanging onto various places on the shopping cart; wiggling, turning, bending backwards, jumping off, then back on, then off again.  I look at my list, look at the shelves, glance at my youngest to make sure he isn’t about to break his neck, back at my list. It will be a miracle if I make it home with a fraction of the items I came here for.

I’m deep into my single-mother zone, using every ounce of brainpower and physical strength I can summon to accomplish the task at hand before one of my children needs to use the bathroom, hurts themselves, or throws a tantrum.  Out of nowhere, a large headed, bumbling man stops directly in front of my cart.  Invading my zone, interrupting my thoughts to rudely ask, “Are those all yours?”  I furiously look him up and down, assuming he means the three children attached to my shopping cart, incredulous that a stranger could be so insensitive and rude and reply, “If you’re talking about my children, yes.”  I push my cart forward, giving him a very strong hint to move it or lose it.

I see his mouth begin to open and think to myself, is he really going to say something else?  He does, “Wow, I can’t believe you have three kids,” he says awkwardly, a half-smile on his blushing face.  That makes up for a little bit, but not enough, I give him a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes and push my cart forward.

It’s not the first time I’ve been asked a question like this and it won’t be the last I’m sure, but it never fails to raise my temperature about a hundred degrees.  It reminds me of the time the faux-naïve, pretty little mom from my kids’ school asked, “Do they all have the same father?” her doe-like eyes batting slowly.

I choose to believe the questions arise because people are surprised that a single mother of three kids could actually be attractive.  It seems I don’t fit their stereotype of what a single mother is.  I’m not a drug-addicted, overweight, haggard-looking woman on public assistance.  I’m a healthy, energetic, sexual young woman.  I’m creative and wild and thoroughly enjoy and don't make excuses for the youth and beauty of my children.  As a result, people just don’t know quite what to do with me.  I have to say, I love that.  I own my own town-home, have a full-time job, and a college degree.  My children are not only well-behaved (most of the time anyway) and well-mannered, but they also get good grades.

Yes, we struggle a great deal.  There is never enough money.  Their father lives in Michigan, we live in California.  I am truly a full-time, on my own single mom who chooses not only to do the best I can for my kids, but also for myself.  If I didn’t, I would very likely be addicted to some drug just to make it through our insane life!

I made the decision to kick their abusive father out of our home after 8 ½ years of marriage.  I had no job and no money of my own, but I did it because I believed strongly it was the right thing to do.  I had faith the universe would take care of my children and I.  The amazing thing is, after I made this decision, doors opened left and right for us.  I’ve gained strength and respect for myself in a way I never would have experienced if I’d stayed with him. And I believe I’ve grown more attractive since leaving him.  I’m asked out 10 times more now than I ever have been.  Even with three children!

Single mammas stand tall, be proud, and luxuriate in the freedom you have that married woman can only fantasize about.