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Online Dating: How to Score a Stud, Not a Dud.

By Cynthia Chen

Match.com, Craigslist, Yahoo personals, myspace.com, and eharmony.com are among a breed of web sites that provide ample opportunities for matchmaking.  While some gals find a stud, others end up with a dud.  The sites you visit aren’t as important as your presentation both online and in person.  Forming a connection and then holding onto it isn’t always easy.  So keep these tips in mind the next time you log on so you can score some boot-ay.   

 

*Some names have been changed.

  1. Post an honest picture of yourself.   

Your picture needs to reflect how you look in person right now, not how you looked when you were five sizes smaller.  “I met a girl who put a picture online that was about twenty-five pounds lighter than what she really was.  That’s like lying,” says Dan*, a 35-year old chiropractor from Atlantic City, NJ.    With the popularity of digital retouching nowadays, it’s easy for photographers to minimize your perceived flaws.  But keep in mind that it’s better for a guy to be pleasantly surprised rather than disappointed when he meets you for the first time.  “I chatted with one girl on a match site and her picture didn’t look that great.  But the chat was good.  Being the chance taker that I am, I met her, and she was sooooo much better-looking than her picture,” says Jessy, a 35-year old business owner from Santa Monica, CA.    

 

  1. Play it cool.

Most guys find it flattering when you establish the initial contact with a friendly note.  But there’s a difference between making the first move and showing desperation.  Dave is a 29-year old software executive from Cupertino, CA.  He recalls, “I met this girl online and our emails led to phone calls, on her part.  She’d call me constantly, day and night. It was getting creepy. Then I got back together with my ex and so I told this girl she shouldn’t call anymore.  She started crying and said she missed me. She was so clingy and we never even met.”   When you don’t hear back from a guy that you’ve been writing to, there’s often a reason- he’s not that into you. You can retain your dignity by not throwing yourself at him.  “If girls didn’t take a hint and stop writing me after I stopped writing them, I guess that means they’re pretty desperate,” says Thomas, a 29-year old corporate attorney from Burke, VA.  “Don’t take things personally if people don’t respond to you.  Go into [online dating] with confidence and treat it as a venue to meet people,” advises Lindsay, a 32-year old teacher from Berkeley, CA.  Lindsay is currently engaged to a guy she met online after a two year courtship. 

 

  1. Establish expectations.

If you just want to have sex with no strings attached, you’ll be miserable with a guy who wants a committed relationship, and vice versa.  That’s why it’s important to establish expectations with one another early in the game. “This is 2005. Women are finally coming into their own. If they want to be aggressive, I am more than happy to take their advances,” says Jessy, who sometimes goes online to meet girls for sex.  On the other hand, if a guy is looking for a relationship, he might not be so impressed with a girl’s sexual aggressiveness on the first date.  “I met this girl who seemed really nice, but when I met her she almost attacked me.  It was a real turn off.  I can get plenty of action, but I’m not about that,” says Dan.  Of course, you need to watch out for guys who lie about their expectations.  “I met a guy online who was discussing how he wanted a girlfriend, marriage, and kids.  I later found out that he already had a girlfriend and just wanted to fool around,” says Charlene, a 26-year old product development technician from Redondo Beach, CA.    

 

  1. Know which kinds of baggage to leave at home.

When you are first getting acquainted with a guy, it is only fair that he knows if you are out on parole, or have a kid or a STD.  But there’s other information that you can keep on the down low until you get to know each other better.  For example, it’s okay to make references to past relationships, but refrain from ranting about anyone.  “A girl who is still upset at someone else she’d dated is showing me that she’s not ready to date again yet,” says Thomas. “The most common mistake girls make to scare guys away is revealing too much, too soon.  It's important to keep your guard up,” says Maria, a 27-year old teacher from Campbell, CA who is in a committed relationship with a guy she’d met online.   So don’t disclose what medications you’re on or how many guys you’ve slept with on the first date.  Steer towards light and upbeat dialogue.  “Chit chat about interests.  Ask open ended questions,” suggests Adrienne, a 40-year old international licensing attorney from  Los Angeles, CA who is currently looking for a boyfriend online.  Ultimately, you can judge what information is important to share right away.  “If [the girl] used to be a man and forgot to bring that up, that’s not good,” says Jessy. 

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